Commentary: Will I Live to See My Wedding Day?

Link: The Huffington Post
by Shaun Jacob Halper

Excerpt:
Today the California Supreme Court will decide if I and my community are worthy of equal rights under the law. If the court acts justly, it will order civil marriage equality imminently without stay, marking a milestone in gay and lesbian emancipation. But even if it does, our interminable fight continues: for national recognition of same-sex marriage and more immediately in the forthcoming California anti-gay marriage ballot initiative in November. We are still quite far from the endgame.

[...]

Many friends--both straight and gay--don't understand: why is marriage so important to me? Why can't I just settle for cohabitation or life partnership?

In short: my life is not the same without the prospect of marriage. I want marriage because I want a better kind of life. I want to enter into a contract with one person, with the approval and support of our community. I want to enter a new phase of my life; to be recognized; to go through the ordeal of determining if I'm ready; to become marriage material; to settle down; to establish a home; to have someone who is always there for me; to meet and address social expectations through a new social identity. I want to accept both marriage's burdens and its benefits. And I want marriage for a better kind of love.

A prevalent myth has it that the legalization of gay marriage is only a matter of time. I hear this quite a bit from gay activists and communal leaders who recommend patience, institution building, navigating the channels of K Street and the courts, and calculated political action. Certainly, this strategy has brought some important successes; its not hard to see why it may just be only a matter of time.

But I am 26 years old: just how much more time are we talking about? A decade? Two? Three? I wonder: will I see marriage at age 36? 46? 56? Will I live to see my wedding day?

Forgive me if I sound impatient, but I am. I do not want to have to wait for a generation of bigots to die out. I am sick of being afraid. I want the right to marry now!

[jw]