To Form a More Perfect Union: Marriage Equality News

Commentary: Gay families are here, no matter what the Florida Constitution says

Link: South Florida Sun-Sentinel.com
by Michael Mayo

Excerpt:

Adelle Barsky-Moore is 5, and she doesn't know about wedge politics and the Culture War. All she knows is that she loves her two dads and they love her.

Her parents, Allan Barsky and Greg Moore, have been together 10 years. They were married in Canada, Barsky's native country, in 2003. They wear wedding bands, are registered domestic partners in Broward and live in Lauderdale-by-the-Sea.

Barsky, a professor at Florida Atlantic University, is opposed to Amendment 2 on the November ballot. It would constitutionally define marriage in Florida as between a man and woman. It states, "No other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized."

A few weeks ago, Adelle tagged along as her parents campaigned against the amendment.

"Why are you telling people not to vote?" she asked.

Barsky explained they want people to vote, but were telling them to vote no on the amendment. He explained it wouldn't allow two moms or two dads to get married.

"She got really upset and started crying," Barsky said. "She said, 'If it passes, does that mean you and daddy have to break up?'"

Barsky told me this story last weekend, during a group picnic at Holiday Park in Fort Lauderdale. Adelle and other kids romped on the playground while parents kept an eye on them. There was fried chicken, macaroni salad and brownies on the pavilion tables.

"Just like anyone else on a Sunday afternoon," Barsky said.

[…]

More than anything I could say, this scene showed why Amendment 2 is irrelevant, misguided and just plain wrong.

Same-sex couples exist, and they're raising loving families.

In that respect it doesn't matter what state law, which bans gay marriage and gay adoption, or the Florida Constitution says.

Except it does matter. For these families, life would be easier, less stressful and more just if the state gave them the same rights as heterosexuals.

For now, they'll consider it victory enough if an amendment that codifies inequality doesn't get the 60 percent needed for approval.

[…]

[jw]

Art Leonard: Montana Court Finds Co-Parent Entitled to Continuing Parental Role; Compensation for Property

Link: Leonard Link
by Arthur S. Leonard

Full text by permission. Source retains copyright.

Excerpt:

A Montana trial judge ruled on September 29 that a lesbian co-parent is entitled to continued parental contact with the children adopted by her former partner, as well as compensation for her financial contribution to the house they had occupied together with the children for many years. Missoula County District Judge Ed McLean went beyond traditional constitutional analysis to find that the children’s rights to continued contact with both of their mothers were an important part of the analysis. The ACLU participated in representing the co-parent in seeking to establish her parental rights over the opposition of her former partner.  Kulstad v. Maniaci, Cause No. DR-07-34 (Mont. 4th Jud. Dist. Ct., Missoula Co., September 29, 2008).

According to McLean’s lengthy factual recitation, Michelle Kulstad, then a Montana resident, and Barbara Maniaci met in Montana, where Kulstad was visiting for business from Seattle, in late 1995. They began staying at each other’s homes as their relationship progressed, and eventually Kulstad moved to Montana, living with Maniaci and making major contributions to finishing construction on her house, including a home office for Maniaci’s chiropractic practice. They exchanged rings in 1996 and lived together until the fall of 2006.

During that time, Maniaci adopted a boy and a girl, in both instances with the understanding, McLean found, that Kulstad would also serve as a parent to the child. McLean found, based on expert testimony, that the children bonded with and regarded Kulstad as a mother, despite Maniaci’s efforts since the break-up to prevent the children from seeing Kulstad, and even to indoctrinate them by repeatedly playing a tape recording reciting that Kulstad was not their mother.

Maniaci argued that the women did not have a mutual, committed relationship, but McLean found all the relevant evidence supported the conclusion that they did, and that the children considered Kulstad’s relatives to be part of their family. He also found, based on the expert testimony, that the children would be psychologically harmed were they to be permanently deprived of contact with Kulstad, especially the boy, who was adopted out of a bad family situation.

Having reached these factual conclusions, Judge McLean was helped by the relatively progressive wording of Montana statutes, which seem to have been drafted with the existence of non-traditional families in mind. Thus, Montana provides, as summarized by the court, that "persons who have previously established a parent-child relationship that is in the best interests of the child to continue" can file to establish a legal parental interest. He also found plenty of precedent to support the idea that "it is constitutionally problematic to discriminate against children based on conditions they cannot control." In this case, McLean found, the children had no control over who was adopting them and who was providing parental care.

The judge noted that Montana statutes protect the constitutional rights of children when "a parent has acted in a manner contrary to the child-parent relationship." In this case, he found, Maniaci’s conduct had been contrary to Kulstad’s parental relationship with the children, providing a further basis for judicial intervention in the dispute between the former partners.

While the case was pending, the court had ordered the establishment of a schedule for Kulstad to resume regular parenting contact with the children. In the September 29 ruling, McLean concluded that it would be in the best interest of the children to continue that program for some time until the court made a permanent decision on custody, visitation, and other parental rights. However, in the meantime, Kulstad is recognized as having equal rights with Maniaci to participate in decision-making for the children regarding such things as "education, activities, day care, health care (including medical, dental and psychological) and spiritual development."

In addition to relying on Montana statutes, McLean also relied on the common law concept of the de facto parent, finding that past Montana Supreme Court decisions had embraced the concept, as far back as 1938. The court found that Kulstad had easily met the requirements of establishing that she was a de facto parent of the two children. McLean also considered that reviewing all the statutory factors that Montana courts are commanded to evaluate in making parenting decisions, Kulstad would prevail on all those that were relevant to this case.

A "guardian ad litem" appointed to supervise the visitation program in which the parties are participating by court order will eventually recommend a final parenting schedule to the court.

The court resorted to general equitable principles to determine that upon the breakup of the relationship between the women, Kulstad’s significant financial contribution to the house, which Maniaci will retain as her residence, should be compensated. The court also found that Maniaci "took advantage of Ms. Kulstad" in various ways, and was "unjustly enriched," setting the foundation for the award of restitution damages, which the court calculated at over $100,000. Because it is unlikely that Maniaci can pay that amount right off, the court provided that Kulstad should have a judgment lien against the house and would be entitled to 10% annual interest on the balance due her until it is paid up by Maniaci.

[jw]

Gay Families Find the Bronx Is a Place to Call Home

Link: The New York Times

Excerpt:

It is a statistic surprising even to those it describes: Same-sex couples in the Bronx are more likely to have children than those in any other New York City borough, according to a study released last month, and perhaps more than any county in the country.

For Ron and Greg Poole-Dayan, whose 7-year-old twins were born to a surrogate mother, it’s a matter of geography. Their home in Riverdale puts them a bit closer to family, as well as the Berkshire Mountains, where they go hiking.

For Carmen Quinones, a recovering addict and a substance abuse counselor with four children, the Bronx offered an affordable haven when she got out of prison 14 years ago.

For Julian Rodriguez, it was never a question: He has lived in the borough since he was 3. “I feel more comfortable because the demographic is more what I’m used to, with my neighbors playing dominoes and the Spanish music,” said Mr. Rodriguez, who has two daughters from a previous marriage. “I feel like I’m at home with my culture.”

There may be as many reasons for same-sex couples to settle in the Bronx as there are same-sex couples there — almost 3,000, according to a demographic snapshot by the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy at the University of California, Los Angeles. Forty-nine percent of those couples have children. Many said they chose the Bronx for similar reasons as their straight neighbors: affordability, space, racial affinity, familiarity.

[hj]

Commentary: Why Clay Aiken's Coming Out Matters

Link: Huffington Post
by Andrew Belonsky

Excerpt:

Clay Aiken's coming out really doesn't come as much of a surprise.

We've all known for many years that the crooner goes for the guys. Nor is Aiken's lavender revelation the most revolutionary. Scores of celebs have come out before him - Ellen DeGeneres, George Michael, Lance Bass and Martina Navratilova, a tennis player who came out far before it was fashionable - or advisable.

[…]

Aiken's story adds a new angle to the discussion because his outing is intrinsically tied to his son's birth. Little Parker's even featured on the People cover, on which Aiken declares: "I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things." The implication, then, is that Aiken had the baby because he wanted it. He is, like millions of others, a man looking to raise a child. And now he's a gay man looking to raise a child - a relatively radical concept for many Americans.

The reproductive context in which Aiken has come out will no doubt resonate with those Americans still hesitant to embrace the homos, the people who fight for "family rights." Aiken's a talented - yes, he's talented - young gay man who has declared his equality, however rhetorically. This Christian gay father's coming out may change the way people look at queer celebrities - and, in fact, their fellow Americans.

When John McCain invited Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to join his ticket this year, the Republican presidential candidate successfully reignited the culture wars. Palin's family life and fundamentalist Christianity turned the election on its head and brought the conservative masses back into the spotlight. Those masses, we imagine, are the same people in Clay Aiken's fan base.

If the people end up accepting his gay ways - and his queer family - Aiken could in some small way counter Palin and her peers' efforts to exploit gay fears. Now, he probably won't decide the election, but Aiken's a well-known with common familial goals - and seeing oneself in the "other" can be quite persuasive. And a little persuasion goes a long way.

[jw]

Australia: Government gives nod to same-sex families

Link: SX News

Excerpt:

The Rudd Government has announced it will amend the definition of ‘parent’ to include both same-sex partners of children conceived with assisted conception.

The question is now whether the Coalition will put its hand up to acknowledge the rights responsibilities of same-sex parents and their children.

The Gay & Lesbian Rights Lobby (GLRL) has welcomed the move which is in line with recommendations it made to a Senate inquiry last month.

The changes will be made to the Family Law Act, and will mean that same-sex couples with children born through assisted reproductive technology will be recognised as one family for all family law and child support purposes, including property division and custody issues.

[…]

[jw]

Palin Mayoral Campaign Manager: Palin Wanted to Remove “Daddy’s Roomate” From Library

Link: Box Turtle Bulletin

Excerpt:

We’ve seen several allegations that Alaska Governor and GOP Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin has tried to have books removed from the Wasilla, Alaska public library during her term as mayor. Most of these allegations have been unsubstantiated — either the titles of the books mentioned didn’t exist, memories were weak, or lists of titles were proven false.

But now comes word from a former Palin campaign manager — one who is “still proud of Sarah” — who remembers specifically one book that Sarah tried to have removed. This morning, in a wide-ranging article describing allegations of Gov. Palin’s personal vendettas in firing decisions, the New York Times is reporting:

But in 1995, Ms. Palin, then a city councilwoman, told colleagues that she had noticed the book “Daddy’s Roommate” on the shelves and that it did not belong there, according to Ms. Chase [Laura Chase, her campaign manager during Ms. Palin’s first run for mayor in 1996] and Mr. Stein [John Stein, Palin's mayoral predecessor]. Ms. Chase read the book, which helps children understand homosexuality, and said it was inoffensive; she suggested that Ms. Palin read it.

“Sarah said she didn’t need to read that stuff,” Ms. Chase said. “It was disturbing that someone would be willing to remove a book from the library and she didn’t even read it.”

“I’m still proud of Sarah,” she added, “but she scares the bejeebers out of me.”

[jw]

MD: "Children of gay parents upset after [Gov.] O’Malley declines meeting"

Link: Washington Blade

Excerpt:

Ken Travers and Robert Harris play with their grandchildren following their 2007 commitment ceremony in Hawaii. The couple cannot legally wed in Maryland, but Travers’ daughter is lobbying for changes that would allow them to marry. (Photo courtesy of Kate Oliver)

 

Kate Oliver forces back tears as she laments the laws that prevent her two dads from marrying. Oliver, a married mother of two girls, said it’s wrong that Maryland won’t allow her biological father, Ken Travers, to wed his longtime partner, Robert Harris.

“I get a little emotional sometimes when I talk because it really hurts my heart to know that Bob’s the only person in my family that I’m not legally connected to,” she said. “I’m so emotionally connected to him.”

So driven is Oliver to see her two dads wed in Maryland that she, along with another grown child of gay parents, recently sought a meeting with Gov. Martin O’Malley to discuss the importance of marriage to their families.

He turned them down.

In letters last month to Oliver, who lives in Columbia, and Ryan LaLonde, who lives in Silver Spring, O’Malley said his “busy schedule at this point in time” would not allow him to take the meeting. He referred them to an aide.

[...]

But the handling of the meeting request is the latest act by O’Malley — a man once seen as unabashedly gay friendly — to upset gay rights activists.

As mayor of Baltimore, O’Malley joined Pride celebrations and signed laws barring discrimination against transgender workers and residents. He also courted gay votes during his campaign for governor.

But after moving to Annapolis, O’Malley last year greeted a court ruling upholding Maryland’s ban on same-sex marriages by noting the state shouldn’t tell “any faith how to define its sacraments.”

O’Malley also gave little public support this year to the many gay bills that lawmakers debated. Carrie Evans, policy director at Equality Maryland, said the gay rights group believes O’Malley maintains “an open heart and an open mind” on gay issues.

LaLonde and Olive said the governor’s increasingly mixed record has left them wondering, though, whether they can consider him an ally.

“I think that there does need to be some upset feelings expressed — even outrage — because I feel kind of used,” Olive said. “I feel like our families have been used. I know many people through Equality Maryland that were really supporting O’Malley. And he gets into office, and you go, ‘oh yeah, we’re ready.’ And then you get this, ‘oh, maybe not so much’ feeling.”

LaLonde said it’s unfortunate that O’Malley couldn’t meet even briefly with two families directly affected by the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.

“I’m not a stranger to politics,” he said. “My partner has worked on numerous campaigns and we’ve seen behind the scenes. It’s probable that he wants the topic to die as quickly as possible.”

But the topic won’t die, LaLonde said, and O’Malley would do well to hear the perspectives of children that were reared by same-sex couples.

“It’s a societal issue,” he said. “When you go to school and people talk about their mom and their dad, it’s hard to talk about your moms without people questioning what’s going on.”

[jw]

OR: Same-sex partner due parental leave

Link: Corvallis Gazette Times: Business News
by the Oregon Bureau of Labor & Industries

Question: My company has about 30 employees in Oregon and is required to follow the Oregon Family Leave Act (OFLA). Rachel, the communications director, who is openly gay, recently announced that her domestic partner, Susan, is pregnant. Rachel came to my office informing me that she would like to take some time off to care for their newborn after Susan gives birth. Rachel has mentioned that she and Susan recently traveled to San Francisco to obtain a marriage license.

Is it legal for an Oregon employer to ask an employee who is eligible to take OFLA leave, to present a copy of her marriage license before granting OFLA leave?

Answer: If an Oregon employer does not ask its married heterosexual employees for copies of their marriage licenses before granting OFLA leaves, it should not ask the employees with same sex spouses to present marriage licenses because the requirement will be seen as a discriminatory employment practice based on sexual orientation. If an Oregon employer chooses to ask employees with same sex spouses for a copy of the employee’s marriage license before granting OFLA leave, it must require the same of married heterosexual employees.

Q: My understanding is that in the State of Oregon the same-sex marriage license issued by the State of California is not valid. If my company chooses to ask all employees for copies of documents confirming family relationships, e.g., marriage licenses of married employees, before granting OFLA leaves, what documentation can an Oregon employer ask Rachel to submit?

A: Your understanding is correct. According to Section 5a of Article XV of the Constitution of Oregon, it is the law of Oregon that only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or legally recognized as a marriage. In the State of Oregon, an employee with a same sex domestic partner may obtain a Certificate of Domestic Partnership which may be presented to satisfy your company’s request for documents confirming a family relationship. However, again, an employer that asks employees to present Certificates of Domestic Partnership before granting OFLA leave, should apply the same policy to married heterosexual employees requesting family leave to care for their family members.

Q: In my company married heterosexual employees are not required to present copies of their marriage licenses before being granted OFLA leaves. Rachel will not be required to present her Certificate of Domestic Partnership. Susan is the biological mother of the newborn. Rachel has not legally adopted the child yet. Is my company required to provide Rachel parental leave after Susan gives birth?

A: Yes, under OFLA, parental leave is taken to care for the employee’s newborn, and a child, for the purposes of parental leave, includes the child of an employee’s same-sex domestic partner. Therefore, your company is required to allow Rachel take parental leave.

For your information, if Rachel takes the entire 12 weeks of OFLA leave for parental leave she may take an additional 12 weeks of sick child leave within the same leave year. If Rachel uses less than 12 weeks of parental leave she may use the balance for any other OFLA leave purpose but she does not get an additional 12 weeks of sick child leave.

If you would like to learn more about the Oregon Family Leave Act (OFLA) and the amended Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), Technical Assistance for Employers will be conducting seminars on Leave Laws in various cities: Aug. 11, Coos Bay; Aug. 13, Tillamook; Aug. 19, Eugene; and Aug. 27, The Dalles. See www.oregon.gov/BOLI for registration information.

[jw]

Dana Rudolph: Obama Builds LGBT Family Expertise

Link: Mombian
by Dana Rudolph

Full text by permission. Source retains copyright.

Senators Obama and McCain have very different views of LGBT families, as I mentioned Monday. Yesterday, I received an e-mail from Obama’s campaign about the expansion of his LGBT leadership team. It only adds to his status as the candidate committed to LGBT families.

There will be five new national co-chairs of Obama Pride, which will build grassroots support for Obama in the LGBT community. One is Marsha Botzer, who co-chairs the Safe Schools Coalition, an organization aimed at making schools safer for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. She was also co-chair of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Board (2005-6), a founding member of Equal Rights Washington, founder of Seattle’s Ingersoll Gender Center, and works with Seattle’s Pride Foundation.

Heading the Finance Committee for Obama Pride is Joan Garry, former executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, and a lesbian mom who blogs with her daughter Scout at Who’s the Grown Up. (Since she’s presumably been busy trying to make the country a better place for all of us, we’ll forgive her for not updating her blog in a while.) Kevin Jennings, founder and executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) and co-founder of the very first gay-straight alliance (GSA), co-leads the committee with Garry.

That’s a lot of expertise not only on LGBT issues, but on ones specific to children and schools.

Other co-chairs of Obama Pride, with less direct connection to parenting (but with a significant impact on our community as a whole) are Mandy Carter, a former member of the DNC who has organized LGBT grassroots networks, especially of people of color, throughout the South; Jesse Garcia, a gay Latino activist and former member of the National Stonewall Democrats board of directors; Campbell Spencer, who has led LGBT outreach for Vice President Gore and John Kerry’s presidential campaigns, among other work; and Eric Stern, former Executive Director of the National Stonewall Democrats and Director of LGBT Outreach at the DNC in 2004, who has led Obama grassroots efforts since last February. Several of the above are coming to the Obama campaign after working for Hillary Clinton or John Edwards.

Rep. Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), who was Chair of Hillary Clinton’s National LGBT Steering Committee, and Tobias Wolff, a law professor at the University of Pennsylvania who chaired Obama’s LGBT Policy Committee during the primary, will be co-chairs of the new National LGBT Steering and Policy Committee.

The proof is in the pudding, of course, but it helps to start with a good team. I’m glad to see not only LGBT representation, but expertise across many parts of our diverse community.

[jw]

Ireland: Commentary--"Growing up with my lesbian parents"

Link: Herald.ie
by Ailbhe Egan

Excerpt:

My name is Ailbhe and I am 17. I grew up in an amazing, happy house living with two brilliant parents. But our house is not recognised as a family home. My parents have been together since they were my age, they love each other and me very much, but we are not recognised as a family unit.

My parents are gay. My mam's partner, Anto, is no blood relation to me, but she is still very much my mother.

She was at my birth, she taught me to ride a bike and bake bread, and all the things a parent should. Every day, she puts up with my mood-swings and loud music, the same as my biological mother does. I'm closer to Anto than a lot of my friends are with their own parents, but in the eyes of the law she is a stranger to me.

The way our legal system stands, one of my parents has absolutely no rights over me. There is only one name on my birth cert and I only have one legal guardian. If Fiona, my biological mam, goes away for a few days, my other mother can't sign my permission slips for school or consent forms should I need medical treatment.

[...]

Children born to, or adopted by, gay couples are extremely planned and so definitely wanted. Obviously the exact parenting methods used by individual families can differ greatly depending on the couple, but that is part of being unique human beings, and happens with every family.

So how can you single out an entire group, purely by sexual orientation, and say "you are unfit to raise children"?

People don't seem to realise what same sex marriage would really mean.

No, it would not mean the collapse of the marriage system; it would not be encouraging something unholy or unnatural.

It would mean recognising same sex families as what they really are, families. Just as 'normal' or 'proper' as families with adopted children, families with step-parents or children, interracial families, or heterosexual parented families.

There is too much debate over marriage versus civil partnership, but I don't know much about the differences between the two. All I know is what gay marriage would mean to me, it would mean having my second mother recognised as exactly that.

Unless gay marriage is legalised within a matter of months, it will be too late for me. I turn 18 in November and so I will never have had the equal child protection rights that children of married straight couples have. But I have accepted that.

I'm not that bothered about my own rights anymore. I want it for my cousins, my friends' siblings and other children. I want all future generations to have the legal protection and recognition my family didn't.

Please bear my story and my family in mind, and think of all the other families and stories we may never hear, thanks to the narrow-mindedness and fear evident in so many throughout the world.

Hopefully if enough of us share our stories, this will change soon, and for the better.

 

This is an edited version of a speech given by Ailbhe Egan at a L.Inc Same Sex Marriage seminar in Cork earlier this year and was first published in the August edition of GCN

[jw]